Pablo Neruda wrote, “let us forgive, with generosity, those that cannot love us.”

Yes, please. That quote resonates. And yet, it’s one of the hardest challenges I’ve faced in life. How do you, with grace, let go of what is not meant for you? Or, as a friend said when I was grappling with the sudden disappearance of my husband from my life, “you have to let die what wants to die.”

But what if you want it to live?

Even when I was deep in the muck of the loss, I knew I would survive it, but I can say with without exaggeration that I couldn’t picture a future where it no longer hurt me every minute of every day. I couldn’t really picture Future Me, wearing sunglasses and laughing with the car windows down, carefree, or window shopping for trinkets with my dearest girlfriend, or sitting contentedly at a coffee shop, enjoying a leisurely weekend afternoon without a care in the world.

It took a couple of years, but eventually life returned after the dark night of the soul. I noticed it slowly, in the the little things that started mattering again. Tulips blooming and dying dramatically on my dining room table would catch my eye again, and I’d stop to think, “hey, that’s kinda beautiful.” Friends would invite me to do things and I’d actually say yes (the first surprise) and then enjoy the outing (the second one).